A wake up call.
Abba Father,
I've been resisting You. I've pushed You away and turned. I was holding Your hand, asking You to lead me but it had to be on my terms: if I didn't agree, I was going to be like pulling teeth to get me to move. These past few weeks, I've been craving You. Wanting to be at Your feet, speaking with You face-to-Face, loving You like I used to.
Today I felt Your healing waters rush through my heart. You've revitalized me. Last night I found Heather Lindsey's twitter account and was shocked by how she talked about You and her stance on being bold about homosexuality. Admittedly, I clicked on the pic because it was really pretty but after reading she reminded me of someone I used to know: me at 16.
Some clarity.
I was so energized and envious of her words and stance. I remember being the same way. I also remember hurting people. I pushed them away, I was haughty, confrontational, and held myself and others to a strict standard. I thought that was the best way to follow You and not allow the world to come in. Until my world came crashing down . . .
Then 5 months later you brought Nathan into my life. Getting close to You and him changed me - softened my heart, gave me a new perspective, allowed me to right some wrongs.
Well, I think I've gone too far in the opposite direction: I still love You and want to serve You but I want to do it without offending or hurting others - like the old Morgan. I know You don't need a bully, but it's so easy for me to take that role! I think I've also rejected a lot of other things I did when I was 16: going to church 6x a week (or at all), spending daily quite time with You, having a high standard for myself, those around me, those in Your body. I guess I've thrown the baby out with the bath water.
So what's up? How do we fix this? How can I be Your radical slave and Your playground bully?
An Answer.
Speak to me, Lord:
1. Humility. Get to know Me and how I work by finding out how My humility extends through Me to you and through You.
2. I'm Your Husband, so let's act like it! No more occasional visits or phone calls - We're gonna life together so move into My house and invite me into EVERY area of your life.
3. Quiet time with Me doesn't have to be an hour long, look the same way every day, and feel like a chore. I'm not boring, I'm awesome! Let Me show you that. : )
4. We're going to work on how you spend your time, deal with sin, listen and obey My voice, respond to life and others (christian or not). So chill out and rest. You're not perfect, - I am! So let Me do My job by walking you through it. You don't need all the answers right now. Depend on Me, walk by My Spirit, and I'll show you. It's ok to fail sometimes, too. I'm really forgiving.
5. Breathe. And don't forget: I love you. You're not alone in this - Together I'll make you into the Morgan I dreamed of you being and love every minute of it. : )
~ Abba.
A Summary.
Past Morgan: Trying really hard, but wrong tactics. Things got Messy.
Current Morgan: Stagnant. So worried about Past Morgan, she stopped pressing forward and enjoyed where she was - "everything's cool. Can't we all just play together?"
Future Morgan: Has yet to be seen, but she's preparing for her wedding day, and looks a whole lot like Jesus.
Colossians 1:10-11.
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