"To pray at all times is to live in continual God consciousness, where everything we see and experience becomes a kind of prayer, lived in deep awareness of and surrender to our heavenly Father. To obey this exhortation means that, when we are tempted, we hold the temptation before God and ask for His help. When we experience something good and beautiful, we immediately thank the Lord for it. When we see evil around us, we pray that God will make it right and be willing to be used of Him to that end. When we meet someone who does not know Christ, we pray for God to draw that person to Himself and to use us to be a faithful witness. When we encounter trouble, we turn to God as our Deliverer. In other words, our life becomes a continually ascending prayer, a perpetual communing with our heavenly Father. To pray at all times is to constantly set our minds “on things that are above, not on the things that are on earth” (Col. 3:2)."

~John MacArthur

Analysis doesn't lead to our Spirit Connection, Responding Does.

I'm reading 5 Questions by Dannah Gresh and it's building a really good foundation so far. I'm excited about what the rest of the book will bring.

This is going to be quick because I really want to get back to worshiping, but basically, I got to the chapter about spending time with God and honestly, I HATE doing that. I end up studying the bible for hours and I only like journaling if I'm compelled to write. Having to do it every day - just because it's a new day - sucks the life out of me.

But I asked God to meet with me regardless of all that. I tried focusing on responding to Him and leaving it at that. Well, about 17 minutes in I was like . . . ugh this isn't working. I was listening to worship music, but didn't feel like singing along. I was reading the Word, but it felt like I was searching the text and the commentaries for something that wasn't there for me today. It felt really fruitless. But I love music so the Rebecca St. James songs I was listening to reminded me of some of my other favorite 90's Christian bands - what's up 95.5 The Fish?! Start playing these again ; )

I started listening to Jaci Velasquez playing through songs I thought would be good for the play list and I saw "If this World" I almost didn't click on it but decided to anyway. Within minutes I was crying, full on tears running down my face. Why? I already "have" God - I know Him. This song is for those who don't, or are still considering, right? But just like that  I was brought back to the person I was before Him. That cold dark lonely place, but I'm flooded by His rushing love all over again. It's like A reminder. For some reason, I'm finding that that's what gets me - remembering where I was, who I was before Him. And then feeling the radiance of His love that ever left me - but grew stale due to my lack of attention.

At a Church I attended when I first moved to Stow, the pastor talked about the importance of setting up alters in the OT and how we still need to do that today spiritually. Because the Altars mark a meeting with God, a change in our lives. A reminder we should always come back to. I think he's totally right.

So I guess for me it's like I have to think about Him coming into my past, to connect with Him in my present. He's changed everything. I overwhelmed once again by how He loves me - and how simple He makes things.

Note to self: Morgan, stop trying to analyze and figure out - just respond. <3

MR

*SM*Everything Is Different Now*SM*

How to Guard My Heart

4:23 Above all else is literally "more than all guarding." To guard something is to make sure that it doesn't get away and that it is safe from attack.

In Hebrew the heart is the location of knowledge and also the preconscious source of decisions (27:19; Mt 15:18). Your heart is who you are, the "true you" that directs all your thoughts and emotions.

 You can educate your heart (Pr 24:32)—consciously form and modify a worldview—after which decisions and actions flow from it (16:9,23; Lk 6:45;Rm 10:10; 2Co 9:7). This education can be worldly, carried out by yourself, or godly, carried out by the Holy Spirit (Pr 2:6; Jer 24:7; Ezek 36:26-27; Ac 16:14; Rm 2:29). The inclination of your heart directs your mortal life and determines whether you enter eternal life (3:22).

God’s Part - God gives ALL that which is necessary to change our lives and to enable us to follow Him.

1.      The Lord GIVES wisdom – it’s from Him. Pr 2:6
2.       God has (already!) GIVEN me a heart to know Him, to return with all my heart. Jer 24
3.       God has (already!) PLACED His Spirit in me and CAUSES me to follow Him carefully. Ex 36
4.       The Lord OPENS my heart & ears to pay attention. Acts 16:14 & Psalm 40:6
5.       The Spirit (not my actions) CIRCUMCISES my heart. Rom 2:29

My Part – His Spirit teaches me how (Titus 2)

1.      MEDITATE on and fill my thoughts with what is true of God. Psalms and hymns – the altar I’ve built in my heart, reminding me of His goodness in my life.
2.       MAKE every thought obedient to Christ. 2 Cor 10:5
3.       RESPOND to the Holy Spirit’s guidance Eph 4:30, 1 Thess 5:19, Gal 5
4.       GUARD against any junk that wants to enter my mind, will, and emotions. Things that can take root in my heart. Reject every kind of evil. Even a hint.
5.      TRUST God to do His part. Know that He’s on my side, and has enabled me to follow through on what the wants by His Son, through the Spirit. Sense, Pray, Act. (SPA).

My striving; My idols.

Wow, I have been pretty frustrated these past few days, though I have good reason, I still wonder why it matters so much to me that I might get an A- instead of an A . . .

On the drive home from my final, I guess I feel like I like the rush of getting an A. I like the way it makes me feel to have something to prove that I did my best, and that my best . . . is as good as it can get.

Especially, that last part.

But what about once schools over? How will I find that challenge, that rush, that sense of concurring, and achievement then? In my job I guess it'll be hearing good words from my supervisor . . . but what if my supervisor isn't a big "vocal" person. Well, maybe it'll be in paying off debt and watching our savings go up . . .well, maybe.

And what about on the Homestead? That'll be the same thing day in, and day out - and do you really get congratulated or a sense of accomplishment from doing the things you're supposed to do, each day, to get by.

So will I really enjoy that life as much as I think I will? Once that thrill is no longer coming in at least once a semester?

Gonna meet Jesus on that one - I'll be back.

More than Words

He loves me at my deepest need.

He will never leave me or forsake me.

He was left and forsaken by God for me.

His love reaches me where I need Him most, and I am filled, I am healed. I'm am brought low as my spirit rises up to meet Him. 

"Don't you know that I'm here to stay?" - Jesus. (I am the Way, Mark Schultz).

I've been struggling with how little Jesus says "I love you" in the bible. I'm really big on words so this was seriously getting to me. I wrestled with it because I'm like, well, I know Jesus loves me, but why didn't he say so more often? And why do all these verses talk about God loving us, and not Jesus. Or loving us through Jesus. It bugged me. I hated feeling this way because I felt so bad for even questioning Him, after all He's done. And sometimes I was even like "well maybe He only did it for God, to make God happy. Or because He had to - I mean, He's Love, right? Did he really have another choice?" (I know you can see that he did by his prayers in the Garden, but still).

Today, I was feeling really low and depressed. Why? Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't due too hot on my Sign final and . . . I feel like I made some bad decisions at the grocery store, ones Nate should have been there for input on (but he preferred I go today so we wouldn't have to over the weekend, he was cool with it, I'm just a freak). I CANNOT handle NOT being absolutely perfect. I can't handle any flaws, any mistakes, or failures. It gets to me and totally brings me down. There is no "you tried your best and that's what matters" because, well, what if I could have done something before the event that would have meant I had a better "best". Does that make sense? I could have studied harder, I could have researched more about Quinoa before going to the store (even though I studied everything twice, and researched the new way of eating that we're thinking of for the past few days and for an hour before leaving home. Even took pictures off websites for my phone.)

When I got home, I really wanted Nate to come home and hold me but it wasn't even 4 yet, so that wasn't gonna happen. I knew I should go to Jesus but I wasn't really sure what to say besides "God, I feel so low right now." 

I like, never do this, but I went to Air 1 and listened to the tid-bits they offer of the current top songs. One by Building 429 totally got me, something about "when you feel like you'd rather sink than swim, I'm right by your side" I don't know, but immediately I start crying. Tears are falling. And right away, I feel the Healing Jesus is to my soul, my life. 

Over the next hour, God revealed to me how Jesus loves me. That song, and the one that lead me to Christ when I was 12 (I am the Way by Mark Schultz), and ones like it have ALWAYS gotten to me because I love, I mean I can't-get-enough-of, completely attach to the idea that Jesus will never leave me. While trying to walk on the treadmill, I had to stop it because all the sudden, I started remembering a time when I was 5 years old and my grandparents had to come into my room because I was crying and so afraid that they were going to die, - "they were old, and old people die" - repeatedly running through my mind - I didn't want them to leave me. I spent 8 years wondering why my mother didn't love me or want me, living with my grandparents due to her drug and alcohol addiction. - was that just another way that I felt I was left? Does it affect me, even today, more than I realize?  In the 4th grade, I had to find a way to manage in school because my two best friends (more like "only" friends) from the 3rd grade, didn't return that year. Middle school was a big swimming pool and due to the way the school divided things up, the friends I finally managed to make in 4th and 5th grade were no longer at my end of the pool. So I started again. Made some bad choices in friends, but hey, I just wanted so badly to have someone, anyone. Then there's High School. Those 4 years that haunt most people, were a total breeze for me; I had a great group of awesome friends and the only thing I would have changed was my lack of a boyfriend. But then came the 2nd half a senior year, when the ground fell out from my feet and my best friend completely turned her back on me. Or, right before graduation, when the person I was most close to in the world told me we could no longer be friends. That person had their reasons, but those reasons didn't matter to me. All I felt was rejection, and with it so much pain. The kind of pain that screams "you're alone. You're completely alone."

Enter Nate. Even with his ex-girl friend trying to break us up, and my insecurities and doubts about so many things, he has always remained faithful to me. Always fought for "us," always withstood whatever I threw at him. Still to this day, he continues to blow me away with what it means for someone to never falter in loyalty. And yet, even he could leave me. The same way my dad (grandpa) did when he died in 2009. . . 

As all these memories came flooding back, I saw what real love from Jesus means to me. Not just words, kisses, or hugs. But His sacrifice to reach my deepest need,

Timothy Keller explains it kind of like this:

When Job says "though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him" he didn't have to, because God will always save those who trust in Him. Except, for Jesus. Jesus completely depended on a God who forsook Him. For us. "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"

Jesus endured the pain of being alone, separated, and unloved, to a degree I will never be able to imagine.  And I'll never have to experience it ever, because of Him.

As I wept there, knelling on my treadmill, I pictured Him kneeling and facing me, reaching out His hand to stroke my face. Love in His eyes, a smile on His face. The assurance that He is here, that He will always be here. I will never, ever be alone. I know that is love, and He didn't have to say a word. 

Enjoying Him,

Morgan

Jesus Never Stops: Morgan's Getting Closer to the Hard-Eucharisteo.

These past few weeks at my job have been so hard for me. Working at it as for Jesus, I struggled every day give my best. Praying for contentment as I drove to a job I loved for a man I was beginning to loathe, I didn't want to make the wrong choice. I couldn't fail. I hate failing. I succeed! I'm the girl with straight A's, and awards all over the place. Most everyone I know loves me and why shouldn't they? I'm just amazing. Live is going awesome for me and I'm so close to God - All this to say one thing: Morgan Reid does not fail.

An E-mail. Subject line: Resignation.
Is this my life? How, why? Ugh. Grr. Not ME!!
Message body, very kind and respectful. Didn't say half things I wanted to. (I'm such a good Christ-follower.)

His Reply: a sarcastic jab. Manipulated words that appear professional, but after 6 weeks of knowing him I see how they're meant to be read.
What a jerk! I should have said everything I wanted to say. After all, only a small part of it would be to make me feel better - it would really be for the next person who works there. I'd be doing this for them! not me.

Day 43, Journal Entry: Abba Father. 
I tell Him about how I am confused, don't know what to do. I don't want to choose the wrong way. I want His approval and blessing, and know that He's pleased with me. Everything I'm not getting from that man who calls himself an employer. Grr. Ugh. Well fine. I'm done.

Lord, what does this say, about how I am with You? What I believe about You?

Day 44, Journal Entry. Better than any Little House on the Prairie episode ending I've ever seen:

(Choosing to find God, to give thanks, in this situation thanks to One Thousand Gifts by Ann Vonkamp.)

I see You in this situation because I see what You are not: harsh, rude, inconsiderate, mean, short-tempered, impatient, ungrateful, never able to be pleased, condescending, manipulative, insulting, - leaving me to my own devices and blaming me when I don't get it right. 

NO! You are a kind, good Father. Who loves me and helps me every step. You protect and assure. Watch over, assist and fulfill. You lead me by still waters and let me lie down, stay with me and serve me and anoint my head with oil. You are the best Master ever!! Because even if I do through through those dark, unpleasant valleys - You travel there with me. You lead my hand and identify with me in the valley as I identify with You outside of the camp (Hebrews). We are there for each other. 

You emptying me of evil, and what has no place, nothing to do with You, and You fill me with You. Your presence, Your closeness - so deep, so thoughtful, fulfilling and rich. It's where I find joy and rest. Peace and hope. You renew me. I want to serve You all the days of my life. I want to be like Dobbee (from Harry Potter) for You - Totally consumed with what You're about and wiling to do anything for You because I love You. Not just to make You happy or please You so I'm in the clear. Because I've covered my tracks and - look there they are!! I can't get into trouble with You because I've meet the requirements! 

Why? 

Why do I feel You can't be trusted? That I can't entrust myself to You fully, because - just in case I miss something - You'll cast me out? 

Take that away, Father! Why do I have that worry?! O Lord, why do I seek to protect myself from the unexpected?! Especially when, God, You see it all! I mean, is it lazy for me to just trust You to show me when I'm in the wrong? To trust Your covering grace when I mess up, when I'm in the wrong? 

I know You don't work like that! (Referring to the begging part of Day 44). 

There is no 3 Strikes limit because YOU'RE NOT KEEPING A RECORD OF WRONGS! (My breath comes in short now, tears streaming down my checks as I finish writing the sentence in my journal. My soul gives way and I feel as if a thousand year old damn has been broken and healing, Living water is rushing forth!) O my God, O my God! My life is lived as if You can't be trusted!! 

You are just, yes - but You're fair as well. You do not lord it over me but seek to just draw me up into Your lap. To hold me and show me the way. To have Jesus do the work in me, through me. Take the pressure off. I'm not seeing You rightly! 

You're my Abba <3 

You discipline, yes, but it's only so I'll learn.
You guide and direct my steps. - I'm not on my own!
You show me my errors and faults - I don't have to fear that unturned rock being my downfall - a reason to cast me out of Your presence because I failed somehow. - Why? Because Jesus. never. Stops. 

He never stops praying for me, wooing me, drawing me near. He never stops serving me, and cradling me, strengthening me, sustaining me, meeting all my needs. He never stops being my Hope, my Joy, my Air, and Sustenance. O all this time it has never been up to me!! 

Found in Your courts, grazing in Your pasture, Jesus will do all it takes - whatever it takes - to see that I stay in the fold. He will never stop. & if I am found wondering outside - by mistake or foolish choice - He will seek me out. & He will find me. He will gather me close: my shaking, stubborn, weary body and He will hold me close. Running His rough carpenter hands over my hair He will sing to me. Calm me down with melodies of His love for me. & When my crying is done, He will triumphantly lift me to His shoulders, grinning ear to ear because our union has been restored! & He, He will bring me Home. 

O God but You are wonderful!
I felt almost as if I couldn't breathe!!!

I will give thanks in all things. Because by Him and through Him and to Him all are things and He can be seen in it all if I call upon His Name to see. My soul will magnify the Lord because He is a good Father, who gives good gifts - EVERYTHING is a gift from God because His grace is there in it - to His children. My Abba never stops giving good gifts to me.

So this is how you can count it all as Joy?

Morgan

Update

Intentional Godliness

1. How I respond/what I think. - My flesh's gut reaction. #changeme

2. My go-to's (to feel better, happy, vent, anger). #crave

3. Avoiding the very appearance of evil. #radicalabandonment 

- Learn and meditate on Scripture and the things of God; then; Depend on the Holy Spirit and Follow Through #follow through

Lord, when You bring Your Word to my mind, I'm resolving to depend on Your Spirit and obey.