Faith in Practice

Yesterday, I met with my college advisor. He was really nice and I could tell that he really cares about his job/students. He really stressed the importance of me looking at taking a language.

-_- Didn't I already fight this battle?! Not even a year ago I decided that taking a language wasn't for me. Furthermore, I picked up Child and Family Development because I love the topic and it would help me be a better wife and mother, what more could I want?!

Well, my advisor made some pretty good points. But then I wondered, was this a test? Was this me not following Psalms 1:1? I don't know. Then again, maybe God sent him my way because He wants me to hear this. Gar! I hate this processs!!

So I thought I had it all figured out, and now this! I left feeling so confused and dreading the decision in front of me what it was going to take to get there: I pictured myself in our office looking at each possible sinareo from writing out each class per semester to the list of pros and cons. I knew it was going to be mind-numbing. I also knew that I'd try to get advice, but ultimately I need to know what the answer was from God. But how much time do I have? I have to have this together pretty soon!

Walking out of the office I decided to put into practice the words of my pastor:
"We spend so much time saying 'shh! shh! I need to think!' but do we have say 'shh! shh! I need to hear.'"

My goal was to do just that: listen for His voice.

It wasn't easy. I went to the rec to walk off some of the stress and try to clear my head. I found myself trying to analyze the subject a couple times and had to focus myself back on Him.

I prayed for Him to speak to me and show me what HE  wanted. I repeated "trust in the LORD will all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your path straight."

When I tried to picture my future with both cases I saw child and family development with me playing outside with my kids in the front yard on a sunny day. It was awesome and we were all laughing and having fun together. But when I pictued sign language, I saw myself signing to the worship at church. This feeling came over me. Every muscel eased up and I actually smiled. It was a dumb looking smile I'm sure. Like when nerd gets kissed on the cheek by a cheerleader. But I knew then that that's the peace I was looking for.

It's so strange, you know. That's not who I am. I like to know where I'm going and get there. I'm a fret train, not a boat! And alas I feel like God's in the back with the rudder directing me to go to the left, and then the right. Leisurely, wisely, and considerately, but still enough to remind me that I'm not the one calling the shots.

It's so good for me. - for us right now. I've been asking God to direct me step by step and for me to follow Him. It's cool because I told myself that I could lean and trust God for the answer and it would be a good indicaiton of how I would be as a mom one day handling future stresses.

Well, I got home and told Nate everything - except the part about once I got to the rec. I wanted to see what he would say first. and he said sign! I was definitely expecting him to say "well, sign might be a good choice but I think you should do what you like and if C&FD makes you happy that sick with it" I totally lit up! I pray that God will be with us so that we can be in agreement and there have been a few times that we have been that have made me so happy! Once when we weren't and I had to back down on what I wanted, but I'm glad I did because like a week later something better came along!!

God is GOOD. SO good. Jesus, I pray that as I continue to look to the Father for answers You can help me obey. I love You both!

Morgan }|{